A little insight into my week

How’s everyone else’s week going?
Mine’s been spent mainly in ‘Family meetings’ - headed by Josh. I’ll talk you through a few...

He called the first one because he heard Betsy flush the toilet and when the flush didn’t ‘pop back up’ and the water kept running he went in her room, when he saw all her mates there he then wasn’t sure who had actually used the toilet so he called her entire bedroom to the bathroom to give them all a lesson in ensuring the flush ‘pops up’ after you push it. Betsy took the lecture, then informed him none of them had used the toilet and walked back to her room muttering swear words so he decided to call her four siblings and myself to the bathroom to give us the same lecture we’d all cringed over him giving her & her friends. You know how dogs look when they hear another dog howling on the TV or hear a funny sound and their head tilts to the side whilst they sit there thinking ‘What the fuck is going on’? Well that was Edie throughout this entire lecture.... A four year old - Barbie Doll in one hand, twister ice cream in the other stood in a crammed bathroom with her entire family whilst he went on about water wastage and high bill costs with her head tilted to the side looking between him and the toilet flush thinking ‘Why am I stood here you absolute Moron?’.

I asked Josh to take the kids somewhere nice for an hour whilst I had a work meeting. He decided upon a Dog’s Home....where the world’s biggest Bull mastiff scared Edie to death barking at her through bars and Tallulah ended up in tears as she wanted to bring them all home. They decided to partake in a lucky dip before they left where they won a fuck load of dog treats which they came home and fed to Winston without me knowing. He must have thought it was Christmas....he got through a chickens foot, pigs ear, chocolate drops - the lot. Then eight hours later 
at 2am when he was howling at the back door because he’d covered the entire house in runny shit that smelt like death it was me that was up scrubbing carpets with vanish gold for clothes because I had no carpet cleaner....then the next morning Josh decides to host a family meeting about not feeding the dog any treats because he’s not like ‘normal dogs’ and he gets a ‘poorly belly’....by this point I was so tired I felt like I’d been up nursing a newborn all night. I let him blame the kids then when he entered the bedroom and I threatened that if he EVER opts for a dog kennel instead of soft play again to save himself a few quid and a headache I would burn his binoculars.

We then had a third family meeting about the cleanliness of the house and he’s decided to devise a rota - only because of his OCD the things that irritate him no-one  else in the house even sees. I decided to weigh up if I could afford a cleaner for two hours a week and whilst on the phone to my friend I told her one had quoted me £20 a week who likes to do ‘little touches’ round the house which sounded really sweet, to which she replied “Oh I had a cleaner like that once. I came home and saw that she’d found my husbands cock-ring and hung it on an elephants trunk ornament we had. I was mortified”.
That’s kind of helped me weigh things up....

To top my week off God decided to give me a bout of horrific thrush so I called my friend who gets 
2027282 pessaries a month as she suffers so badly and asked her to bring me in some medication today to school, only this morning Josh helped me out and did the school run. Twenty minutes later I answered his call where I could hear he was both fuming and cringing whilst he was whisper shouting at me “Why the fuck has your mate just chased me round the playground with a load of fanny medicine?”...

....so that was kind of a massive middle finger to all his ‘Family meetings’ and causing my dog to shit through the eye of a needle all night long.....🙄

#HappyFamilies #MakingMemories

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